[Disclaimer: Don’t read this if you are a hoo-haa prude!]
Some people think that they know what you are doing, even if they haven’t got a clue otherwise. Case in point, the other day, someone tried to tell me that my Stamp Duty was a hoo-haa buddy [1].
This means dealing with a certain someone who has judged me for having hoo-haa. Charcoalies who read the Stamp Duty posts know what I am talking about. Let me ask, if the person you are living with is having sex (and you can’t hear them too much), would it honestly both you if you yourself are not a virgin?
I am just asking.
Sex isn’t the be-all/end-all. But for me, it signals a huge steps. I was crazy in love for 3 + half years and for 2 + half years, I missed that physical feeling. I was so excited next week, but I have been made to feel like a whore and slut because I had sex with one guy.
It’s not like I am fucking 5 guys at the same time — does this make me a whore to have slept with another guy?
No one can tell me what I am doing. That’s what she tried to say, that he was my hoo-haa buddy. And I was just thinking, no one defines jack diddly crack for me, except myself!
I had sex last week with a consenting adult. I am being made to feel like I just banged the entire male species of London.
WHATEVER [2] !
Notes
[1] – He’s cool. We have funny conversations. But we have had sex too. But he isn’t my boyfriend. I don’t see him as a fuck buddy though, because I can genuinely see myself being his friend. My definition of fuck buddy or a hoo-haa buddy is different.
[2] – I am well aware that I sound like a nympho. Hopefully I will calm down once we bang again. HA! Take that, prudes!
Charcoal Ink 
You’re right Stamp Duty is what you want to call him. I call my situation a Friendlationship. We are good friends, hang out, go out, and we have sex, but he is not my bf.
Anyway to answer the question in your post. No Who ha does not bother me. I would be uncomfortable if the party was noisy and I had to share the space, but apart from that I would not care or judge.
That remark about her mother raising her well would have pissed me way off. Who the hell is she the president of the Christian brigade??
@Bianca, with your Friendlationship, do you want him to be your boyfriend if you don’t mind me asking? (Lol, I’m a blogger, and we are too nosy).
And this is the thing, I am a Christian (Catholic) (and a practising one too, ie, I go to mass) but I don’t make judgements on people’s sex lives. It is very easy for me to separate the two because they have nothing to do with my relationship with Jesus Christ, Mary etc.
I hope I don’t sound like I am banging on about the issue LOL.
I change my mind frequently about whether I want him to be my boyfriend or not. That’s a whole other story. Most days I’m cool with the ways things are other days I feel like we already do and share so much being “together” would be the next step, but I’m not sure and I honestly like the autonomy of being single as far as decision making is concerned.
I’m a practicing catholic too, but I don’t like those people who believe that just because they go to church they are without sin and can cast judgment on people, and it sound to me like your roomie is one of those.
@Bianca, decision-making is an interesting point you brought up. I think being single also alleviates a lot of pressure from you as well.
I think with her, she gets pleasure from judging because she feels like she is getting one up on me which is so pointless!
At the end of the day, regardless of how the roomie felt, she should have addressed the issue privately with Aulelia. To yell out comments in front of her guest is very immature and damn rude. That alone would have her on my shit list.
Prude or not, she is overly concerned with someone else’s sex life. I bet even if Aulelia were just going on dates, she would be sitting on the couch screwing up her face talking about “You go out too much.” I hope you get rid of her soon Aulelia.
@Aisha, LOL @ the date example. I actually think she would do that as well!!
Seriously, you have it bang on target.
As far as I am concerned, bringing up values of mothering to make a connection between me and my morals was a NO-GO area that she broached, so after that, it is daggers at dawn. I am very easy going but I won’t have anyone who doesn’t know me thinking that they do.
If I was her and she brought a man home, this is how I would fee:
a) Nothing >> her sex life does not concern me one drop
He was embarrassed and felt offended by what she said and so did I. We are humans. If you have an issue with someone, you better say it professionally, not like a yob at a football match.
Aulelia,
This is why I suggested that you not go elsewhere to be with your friend because if you do you are acknowledging that you are doing something wrong. Your roommate does not run your life and she shouldn’t be able to run you out of your home either.
@Monie, to an extent, I completely agree with your perspective. It is my gaff too so I shouldn’t feel like I have to go anywhere but she is just so overly judgemental that it means that I didn’t feel like I could really let myself go.
She really is one of the most judgemental people I have ever met.
I totally understood your post, that’s why I said it’s about privacy and not about your right to have sex in your apartment. Maybe you’re more exhibitionistic and your roomie is not. In my opinion, that’s something that can not be easily worked out.
It seems like you’re saying you want to have the right to take a shit with your roommate in the room, and somehow that should be okay. You might say…well pnc…taking a shit is not the same as having sex, but to some people it is…as well as picking your nose, masturbating in public…I think you get what I’m saying.
She shouldn’t have made judgments about your sexual life, but honestly you were making judgments about her supposed prudishness. So it seems like the shaming has gone in both directions. For all you know, she’s probably buck-wild, but has the confidence to keep it to herself.
*The part that you wrote here that I am unsure of is “honestly you were making judgments about her supposed prudishness.”
pnc, there are some things she said to me that I won’t even repeat, but she also categorically point blank told me that she has different morals and that her mother raised her differently, insinuating that my mother *somehow* didn’t.
No one can say that shit to me, whether or not s/he thinks that I am pooing in their garden. I think for her to bring up my mother in the same subject as my sex life is a low-blow. From this, it allows me to make a comment about her prudishness, which is evident from her saying that she has different morals, when she does not know jack diddly crack about me.
Having sex with another consenting adult is no big deal. We made precautions so that we wouldn’t disturb her.
Her rude comments to me the day after about my mother, my so-called morals and whether I would bring a procession of men makes me realise what she thinks is null + void and I will no longer be taking her feelings into account.
**I don’t understand the ‘confidence to keep it to herself’ thing. I don’t understand where I am supposed to go, otherwise when I live here too.
***Prior to that, I hadn’t been with someone in 2 years. So I am not the type of person to bring all types of men into the house. At any rate, I don’t think I am shaming her once already because her judgmental attitude is the shameful one in the first instance and I reacted to that.
–A–
P/S – I do respect your opinion but it looks like we will have to agree to disagree on this one 🙂
Honestly, I totally understand your roommate. You share the space. The space isn’t yours alone. Why would anyone want to hear their roommate having sex? The issue is one of privacy. I think it’s disrespectful to your roommate and yourself, definitely not about prudishness.
@pnc, I think you have misunderstood me. I am in no way saying that the flatmate must hear the other have sex.
What I am saying is that in my room which I pay rent for, I should be able to do as I please.
I would never try and do anything to make anyone feel uncomfortable, having said that she should also be aware that I am an adult woman who is allowed to have consenting sexual relationships if I want.
Just my thoughts.
Wow. I must have missed this conversation. I read through the stamped posts and I didn’t think anyone was judging you. I definitely think there’s room for in-between, instead of labeling and shaming people to extremes.
@pnc, hi. I hope you don’t feel offended btw by what I have written.
Maybe I didn’t make myself really clear but she really offended me the next morning with remarks on whether I would bring a procession of men into the house.
Insinuating that I fuck a lot of men by using the word ‘procession’ was very hurtful to me, esp considering that she knows nothing of me sexual history. I thought that was unfair and harsh, which is why I don’t care for what she says/said.
I hope that clears it up a bit.