The bittersweet cocktail of ambition and love: why driven women can’t date men with no ambition


Mix a pint of ambition with a shot of testosterone

As some of you may remember, I went through heartbreak over 6 months ago now – it was a tough and a painful time, but I am definitely on the road to healing because I have been busy trying to build my marketing business. I am focusing wholly on the business at the moment, and I want to see it grow and prosper, so I definitely don’t have time for men who are not serious. I am not dating right now and I am not looking for a boyfriend but I have been thinking a lot lately about what my ideal man is – I just want someone who has drive.

By blokes who are serious, I mean those kind of blokes who don’t know what they are doing in their life or they do have a good career but they are always talking about how they are going to do this and that but actually don’t even try. Or those brothers who are stunting about how much they have, but have not actually worked for it and it is all inherited through one way or another.

Is it too much to hope for a man who has drive, determination but most of all, is trying to get himself to where he wants to be? I would be very happy being in a relationship with someone who was trying to do their own thing, whether they want to reach the top of the corporate ladder or go to the Moon even if he did not have a lot of money, I would love to build something with someone. Be part of a team – it must be a Taurus thing because Adele, a singer who I adore, made similar comments about how she is attentive in a relationship and will do anything for her man. She is a Taurus and so am I – and this is something us Taurean birds have – we want to be part of a romantic team, we want our partner to flourish through dedication and love.

Can you date a bloke who has no drive?

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4 thoughts on “The bittersweet cocktail of ambition and love: why driven women can’t date men with no ambition

  1. I feel you, sistah woman. Black women in the States have the same problem. We want someone who has ambition and drive, not to mention intelligence that at least matches our own. The thing is, there just aren’t many appropriate black men available. There is a very high rate of incarceration and death among black males here. Far more black women graduate from college than black males. The men who do graduate often want a trophy girlfriend/wife. More and more, black women are dating men from other ethnic groups. Frankly, even though I am mostly lez, I can say that black men, in general, aren’t worth the aggravation. Perfectly straight businesswomen will say the same thing. Of course, there are exceptions, thank goodness. But all the single women of all races are after them. With straight women it’s kill or be killed. It never ceases to amaze me.

    • You make a lot of really astute points especially about wanting a man to have intelligent conversations with and this is the thing, that is just so hard to find. Do you find it easy to date, thewickedwoman? I just want a man who has drive and ambition but is going out there to get what he wants as well.

      • No, dating isn’t easy for me. Even if I didn’t have disabilities that have gotten in the way these last five years or so, I’m not sure I’d have a partner–male and/or female. Actually, I DO think I’d have a female partner. It’s difficult because there’s no black bi/lesbian “community.” There are very cliquish social networks. I’d probably end up with someone who isn’t black.

        With regard to men, a lot of them are intimidated by women who may speak English in an appropriate manner and, frankly, if the guy can’t even do that, I wouldn’t be interested in THEM. Then, according to that guy, I’d be some “stuck up wannabe white” bitch.

        Now, if I was out simply because I wanted some company in my bed for a bit, that’s a different story. I’m very close to that point at present. As such, I’ll put up with more and look for something different from that person than education, although he’s got to be respectable enough to be seen with. I mean, we can’t stay in bed forever–at least no *man* can do so! What if I want to get some Chinese and we go out to get it? I don’t want to be embarrassed by him. But, having a guy like that is merely a diversion to enjoy and savor for a while. I’m in the age group that would be called “cougar” by some. I don’t give a good hot damn. I know what I want when I want it. Since I am almost ready for someone who is only a diversion–which I think will be fairly soon–I have someone in mind and may have found another candidate as well by then.

        However, had certain things not happen, I’d probably be married and have kids by now. There was someone who would probably asked me to marry him. However, he made a calculated guess that turned out right and married someone else. *shrug* I hate it, but that’s the way it went.

        • I do agree with you that a lot of men are totally intimidated by women who know what they want and won’t back down from their living their life how they want it. I realise that now, it’s really just about being yourself in its entirety and not trying to live up to what other people expect you to be because that is totally pointless.

          Good luck with your diversions 🙂 and let me know how it goes! Finding someone who is down in all senses is incredibly difficult.

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