Milkshake Glasses & Parents: An essay on how African parents want you to live at home

Last weekend, I went with my friend Laura to the shopping centre and bought a pair of milkshake glasses for moving out. I’m excited at the idea of slowly but surely moving out so I have made a list of things which I want to pick up. I am hoping to get necessary glassware and plates for my flat and then start saving for the rent & utilities. I’ve put these milkshake glasses all wrapped up in my room as a way to inspire me to continue fighting the good fight.They were cheap and they were in a pair: it seems minor to have bought glasses but I know it will symbolise my future.

Parents just don’t understand

My mum and I have gotten to the point where I feel like I have outgrown living at home. It’s nothing personal as I was telling Laura but it is pure and simple that I want to move out to live my own life. My mum believes in this collective culture believing we all have to live under the same roof until we get married. This was what my older sister did: she stayed at home until she was married but quite frankly, that is not what I want at all. I’m just not sucking on someone’s boobs like that until I am married. Living at home really stresses me out from little things like my mum’s random visitors who stay in the home and when she does not tell me to even how people make noise while they are eating food.

Double standards

There is a huge sense of double standards when you move back home to live with your parents. I am trying to build a business as well as trying to fix my personal life. I feel like with my mum, there were double standards because she wants me to live at home yet she is happy to say that I am not independent and that I live at home and it’s like, what do you want then? I am looking for a new life and I just want to be free of this idea that just because you live in your African country that you have to live at home.

What to do?

I just don’t want my 20s to be plagued by stress because I cannot live alone. I have my milkshake glasses – it is time to get that journey completely started. What do you think of the African parents mentality that you have to live at home until you are married?


5 thoughts on “Milkshake Glasses & Parents: An essay on how African parents want you to live at home

  1. As a person with a background in journalism, I find your blog right up my street, “Milkshake Glasses & Parents: An essay on how African parents want …” I will keep checking for interesting additions to your blog,
    Thank you 🙂

  2. I completely agree with you on this one. I have a great relationship with my parents, but sometimes you just crave independence. I want to move out of the ‘rents place myself, just trying to save money with school and everything. And while my parents aren’t African, my mom’s American and my dad is orginally from the West Indies, they are all about me living at home until I get marred. Unfortunately, when you still live at home, parents often forget that you are an adult and need space. Good luck with everything!

  3. The fact that you bought those milkshake cups for your future apartment is definitely motivation for you. When I first started to save to move out I bought little things here and there and I know that motivated even more to save and move out.

    As far the whole staying with your parents until your married that is something I would not be able to do. I’m not surprise people still do this in certain cultures, but I feel that you get no independence at all. Your going from living at home with family members to now living with your mate. Where the independence in that…

    • This is the thing, M, it is motivation for me but it is just so painful and hard when you have to deal with family issues all the time.

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