Why do ex-boyfriends break no contact ?


It’s ironic that just last week I was writing about how I am trying to move on. I know it must be tedious for you all to read but Memphiz knows the whole story, so I wanted to update my coals as well.

Quick summary: I bumped into my ex (who I refer to as the King of Trolls (KOT) while I was out and about with friends at a bar here in Dar-es-Salaam. He was with his friends. I was with mine. He went out of his way to say hello to me and I was civil. Later on in the evening, I went to make a phone call to my brother and he kept staring at me through the glass like he wanted me to go and talk to him. It was really disconcerting.

I was *actually* forgetting about him and moving on up until last Saturday. It had been 3 months and he was no longer in my mind as much, even though my feelings are still the same. When I saw him, all the feelings just rushed back and I was so confused and hurt because I did not get how he could act so completely nonchalant. I tried to forget about it and have a good time with my friends instead.

Later on that evening, he sent me a text message (why?) saying he wanted to speak to me but was with my friends so he did not want to make a scene. I replied saying okay cool and what did he want to talk about to which he replied again saying he wanted to know how I was and how I was doing. To cut a long story short, we met on Monday on my insistence because I wanted to know why on earth he felt like he had to text me that way.

I’m still none the wiser despite him giving me his reason why leads me to my next point: why do they do this when they can feel that you are moving on?

I still love him so much and I am so confused now because I don’t get why he contacted me like that. Why couldn’t he just have kept it to simple hellos?

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12 thoughts on “Why do ex-boyfriends break no contact ?

  1. Had to leave a comment because the internet world is so freakin’ small. First – I found your blog by googling Jackie Brown – random I know. And then went back to your home page and started perusing. This caught my eye because I’m currently doing the no-contact rule too thanks to baggagereclaim.com. I still love my ex but I’m putting myself first. I only want someone who is going to be fully invested in a relationship. You should sign up for the newsletter – totally helps.

    Second – I’ve read Spinsters Compass because of BR and she was the first to comment…just ironic. I’m in Denver, CO. Good luck!

  2. Even though he broke no contact, so did you by entertaining his text. No contact means NO contact whatsoever. He’s playing games.

    Good luck, take it easy & take care.

      • You did though. You responded to his text and you met with him on your insistence. This has left you even more confused, which is why not having any contact whatsoever is so important. If he calls or sends a text or e-mails or even shows up at your front door, do not respond. It’s hard – mother knows, mother KNOWS… – but it’ll save you even more trouble in the long run. (Of course, you are your own person and can make your own choices. This is just a tried & true suggestion.)

        • I see exactly what you mean and I do think my insistence has clouded the issue and made it worse for me naturally because I’ve been in a personal tailspin. I really need to get stronger!

  3. That’s just it: people can sense when you are starting to forget about them. He felt you pulling away and rushed in to reassert himself in your life and make sure he is still taking up space in your heart and mind. It’s like they may not want to be with you, but they don’t want you to move on either. I would just be casually indifferent so he knows he doesn’t matter anymore.

    • Hi Aisha, thanks so much for commenting. I know this must be tedious to hear because I can’t seem to get him out of my head. I think he did just that – he was checking to see where I was in terms of my journey of trying to move on and I am actually very resentful that he thought this was appropriate. Why do they do this? Is it about ego?

  4. Your response to want to meet with him showed that he still had some control over your heart. Exactly what he wanted! You have to be strong enough to stay away if it’s what you really want. In time, your heart will heal. Open yourself up to dating again so that you can experience desire from another and get your sexxxy back. You don’t have to act on it but every woman needs assurance that she is still desirable. Last year I wen on five dates in five days with five different guys, no sex! It was the most fun I had had in years!

    • Kinky Rhonnie, many thanks for your reply. I think you are right and what’s weird, is I was actually trying to move on in the 3 months we were not talking. I was starting to forget about him and then he did that. It was really difficult but I was trying to move on and I feel like him texting me has set me back.

      He even had the cheek to ask me if he did set me back? I think that’s so arrogant to which I replied that he never knows, I could set him back one day!

      He’s a silly troll.

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