How do you just fall out of love with someone?


I’m really devastated by this break-up. It’s only been a few days since Wed but I’m just so hurt. I don’t understand why this happened. How can someone tell you they love you, give you flowers 15 days ago and then break up with you?

5 months may not seem like a long time, but things were going quite well between us. Naturally like all couples we had fights, and I do know that my reactions at petty things was not good.

On Wednesday, he asked if I wanted to go first to say what I thought. I plainly said that I was sorry if I over-reacted at petty arguments we had, and I wanted to repair what we had because I truly believed that we could go a long way.

How do I get over this? I keep crying about this each day. I don’t understand how he fell out of love with me when he gave me the impression he loved me.

He also sent me messages on Friday telling me that he was worried about me and to please talk to him. I replied to one message but I did not reply since he last replied.

He is even having a party today. I can’t go on.

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11 thoughts on “How do you just fall out of love with someone?

  1. Pingback: Update on issues of the heart « Charcoal Ink

  2. Bianca pretty much expressed my sentiments. And DITTO the no contact with him. Do not make ANY contact with him at all.

    When you look back at this one day, you may see that something was afoot and not everything that glittered (about him) was gold.

  3. Yes you will get over this, right now it’s seems impossible, but when you do, you’ll look back and wonder why you thought it was so hard. I can’t tell you how to do it or even compare it to my situations but understand that you are entitled to feel this way and this is not your fault, it has nothing to do with anything you did or said. I think an important step is breaking off contact with him, keeping in touch with him can do you no good, I’m not saying that you have to hate him or be angry and make him pay by ignoring him but it helps to just break all contact. Don’t answer his calls, don’t even read his messages or texts for awhile. I’ve been there, the point when you try to convince yourself that if he’s checking up on you that must mean that he cares and there is still a chance, don’t do it, just let him go. If things are meant to be he will make the extra effort to contact you, telegram or sky writing or something.

    • and this is not your fault, it has nothing to do with anything you did or said.

      I found this part of your comment really interesting. I feel like I must have done something wrong because everything ended so quickly when by all accounts, things were going well from what he was showing me.

      Last time I heard from him was Friday and I did not reply back to his text message. I’ve deleted all his contact details on my phone and I have deleted all of his emails so I don’t feel tempted to contact him.

      • ” found this part of your comment really interesting. I feel like I must have done something wrong because everything ended so quickly when by all accounts, things were going well from what he was showing me.”

        Well this makes me sad, ’cause so many times I hear women say “I did everything he asked and still he left, maybe if I was thinner/lighter-skinned/more submissive/less independent/ etc, etc, etc he would not have left” If someone really and truly loves you and wants to be with you, nothing you do or say will cause them to leave, people leave cause they want to, for whatever reason. Don’t get me wrong I have been there, I’ve felt those things. But I’ve grown up alot and spoken to a number of men and women and realised that is is not about that. So many times men and women stay with people who have serious character flaws, despite them. You many have thought things were going great but evidently ole boy was portraying a role or something, if you did something he didn’t like he could have mentioned it, that does not make him right for not saying anything and leaving because of it. I’m not saying that he never cared he might have but his definition of things is very different from yours. I feel like I’m going around in circles making no sense but I just want you to understand that you don’t have to stop being you to get someone to love you and stay with you, the right one will love you as you are.

        • I think deep down, you are right Bianca. I am sorry for sounding incoherent but this is just wreaking havoc with my life. I can’t sleep and I am barely eating because I am in so much pain about this. I think you are right – if someone truly loves you, they will stay. I know I loved him and he just left so abruptly.

  4. It’s very hard to often understand when someone breaks your heart. The best you are doing is acknowledging your feelings about all of this and attempting to process it. The hardest part of it is having to reach acceptance and forgiveness. It is normal to be under this much emotional pain because you wanted to work towards your relationship and cared deeply about him. I am truly sorry that you are going through this.
    From what I have read that you are unable to respond back to his messages, you may need some time for you to go through process of healing. We can only listen and support you. Best advice I have received from my parents is to take one day at a time. I apply this word of wisdom to many situations in our lives. When we are overwhelmingly compelled and restricted within, we have to say I am going through this and will take this one day at a time.

    • Thanks for commenting on this and giving me your viewpoint, I am really just so hurt by this whole thing. As a type, he is having a party with his friends which of course I am not invited to. I am trying not to dwell on it and focus on my goals and dreams, but they all feel so empty now because we shared everything together. I’m just emotionally shattered.

      I didn’t reply to the message because I was reading blogs that said the person who gets dumped should avoid all contact until they are healed.

      I don’t know if I am going to get over this.

      • You’re welcome. It’s is even more harder for you because you were not the one who decided to end the relationship and perhaps you may feel betrayed. It will be hard not to dwell because it is still very hurtful and unimaginable right now for you. Hopefully with time you will be able to use your strength and feel OK. Best thing to do is talk with someone you trust where you are or a loved one. Someone you can spend time with and comfort you. You will be able to continue with your goals and dreams.

        Right now it seems difficult to get through this, please do treat yourself well during this. You should do what you feel is right for you, but keeping some distance does help to not further the pain and being under less control of your feelings.

        • I agree that keeping distance will ultimately be what protects me but it is just so difficult especially because we were so close and shared everything together as friends. I have confided in a few people I trust, and everyone is just as surprised as I am.

          My mind is racing at a million miles a minute trying to think of what I could have done wrong to provoke this abrupt break up but I just know it’s pointless thinking like that.

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