Since all this hoo-ha happened with the programme, I have definitely felt low and sad about what has happened (even though I do have a lot to be grateful for and life can always be worse).
I definitely want to step out of the misery guts feeling, but when you feel like the whole life you know (lifestyle, friends, aspirations) have disappeared because you are in a different country, it is distressing and disheartening. I am trying not to feel resentment towards my mum for retracting her earlier promise but it is hard. I almost feel like I will do anything now to make sure that I can leave and pursue my dreams MY WAY.
The one thing I have learned is that most people do not really care if you are feeling like misery guts, especially in a professional context. I feel like my professional life has already disappeared before it has even begun.
All those dreams of creating my company in London.
All those dreams of wanting to innovate and do someting more.
Just all gone and evaporated.
The situation at hand here is getting this Masters. But it is so terrifying when all I can think of is that I will never get it.
The one thing that is important to me is achieving my dreams. I think most Charcoalies are the same. We all want to achieve our dreams and do our thing.
I feel like a failure and like I am never going to achieve after having to resit. It is hard to feel inspired to go there and do it again, after all, once bitten – twice shy.
Can you innovate in an environment where people want you to conform?
This is the problem that will plague African societies FOREVER. Why do we all have to conform to what one person wants?