Bale of Straws: Why Verbal Bullying is Always Wrong


This is how it happened.

The final straw came last week when I was sitting in my sitting room on the computer.

Straw #1: The woman asked me if I was wearing deodarant when she came in the house. I was like, WTF??? I just ignored her because all she likes doing is getting a rise out of me.

Straw #2: She lost her own keys in the sitting room and started ranting and raving at me as to whether I had seen them….umm how can I have seen your keys if you just bopped into the sitting room?

Straw #3: She told me that she wanted to make a phone call. I was still in the sitting room and because her room is next door to the sitting room, she has this wild fantasical idea that if anyone is in the sitting room, they should go all the way to their room (mine which is at the end of the flat). I told her I wasn’t going to listen to her conversation. To cut things short, she was being so hostile with me that I just left the sitting room and then spoke to my friend in my room.

Straw #4: Continuously interrupting me when I am on the phone. To my friend. Next!

Straw #5: I put a rosary around the doorknob of my door and she somehow thinks it is all about her and how I want to protect myself from her. Um, NO. I am a Catholic and Catholics tend to show their faith with artefacts and possessions of Christ in their home. Why on earth would she think I am making my religion about her?

The Final Straw #6: This is what made me leave the house. She said she wanted to talk to me about something. I went to the kitchen with my rosary in my hand as I was about to pray in my room. She then made another comment about my rosary. I just went into my room and started saying a Hail Mary, to give me strength.

What ensued was the following (here is a short excerpt, paraphrased of what she said). All of these things she said was all when I was praying and she shouted them from the corridor like a teenager having a tantrum:

Such a Catholic when you are bonking men

That is a reference to me and Bank Man. Not only is that a low blow, but I would never ever try and link someone’s religion to their sex life, even if they were my best friend. Religion is incredibly personal so for anyone to say that, I think it is not only intolerant but offensive and childish.

She made an indiscriminate comment about Catholic priests being convicted of paedophilia

Clearly she only said that to hurt my feelings.

She made another comment, screaming saying how I should clean and vacuum more

If she wants me to clean more (which I do), that isn’t an issue. But to scream and shout all the while when I am praying and when you KNOW that I am praying. I told her to stop talking to me as I was praying but she continued to shout at me from the corridor.

Not only is this woman irrational but she is unhinged. She told me she was into meditating, but I thought spiritual people were calm souls — what happened?

I have not returned to sleep at the flat for over 1 week.

I have never been bullied before nor have I ever been threatened to be hit (which she did, when she told me a few weeks ago that she would slap me down after an argument).

I have been in a state of shock that this has happened to me. I have always seen myself as a cheerful and happy woman, ready to get along with most people. I never gave her the opportunity or reason to be upset with me. I am not perfect but do I deserve verbal abuse no?

What would you do?

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11 thoughts on “Bale of Straws: Why Verbal Bullying is Always Wrong

  1. Wanted to drop a comment and let you know your Feed is not working today. I tried including it to my Bing reader account and got nothing.

  2. I’m sorry this happened to you. I admire you for being the bigger person and not sinking to her level. -BWABW

  3. Aulelia, you have shown amazing maturity and restraint in this situation. You made the best choice, which was to get away from the volatile situation immediately. I would definitely not go back until I had somewhere else to live. Home should be a peaceful environment, not a war zone.

    This roommate (aka “Dutty Gyal”) has already threatened you with violence. I feel like she is trying to provoke a physical confrontation with you because she is realizing her words can’t bother you. That is a serious thing and you never know how or when it might escalate. We all fantasize about knocking the sh*t out of someone, but the reality can have harsh consequences. You don’t want to end up in jail for this witch.

    If she does confront you, of course stand up for yourself. But the best thing is to rid yourself of her. Life is too short to be spent in battle with miserable people. Sooner or later she will meet the type of person who will slap her in her mouth. But that shouldn’t be you because you don’t need the aggravation.

    I wish you the best of luck and hope you find a better situation soon.

    • @Aisha, aww honey you are such an angel. Thank you for the kind words! I am trying to be mature about the situation because I know she is very immature, hence the threat of physical violence. It is actually pathetic how she masked it as something else.

      I definitely don’t want to end up in trouble over her, because I honestly feel like I have bigger fish to fry in this life.

      I also think the comments she made about my sex life were so tacky. Honestly, if my flatmate was getting **** on a regular basis, I would be happy for the bish, I wouldn’t be jealous or hating on that!

  4. @memphiz, thanks for the kind words. I am trying to keep my cool so I can get the situation sorted.

    @lee, thanks again. what I don’t understand is why do people feel the need to harass people who are not emotionally/mentally aggressive? I don’t understand that logic at all. I find the idea of harassing someone so pointless. I would rather concentrate on finding myself a man who can **** me rather than putting someone else down.

    @BsB, thanks for sharing your story. I have tried to reason with this girl but it does not work. She isn’t rational.

    @Safera, I have thought about mediation but don’t think it will work because she is too self-centred.

    Thanks!

    • i agree with you. bullying is such a senseless act. she has really gone too far with her harassment. i would take her threats of physical intimidation seriously. crazy people tend to always take things to the next step if they feel as though you will not defend yourself.

  5. Okay so I see your not that violent type which is good, because if she would of told me she was going to slap me down she would of been on the floor.

    But really I dont think you should let her run you out of your place, thats what it looks like she’s trying to do. I would either let her know the deal and tell her not to speak to you at all. But if your totally done I guess moving out would be the best bet.

  6. first off… i’m very sorry that you are experiencing such a childish form of intimidation. NO ONE deserves to be treated like that. it appears to me that she is “unhinged” as you described. if she were a man i would tell you to continue to ignore him. however, because she’s a female it is my suggestion that you go off on her. she’s only trying to intimidate you because she knows that you will not become aggressive. people like her are weak and they prey on people that they perceive to be weaker than them. the next time that she does something like that get loud, get in her face and warn her that the next time that she threatens you or tries to intimidate you that you will call the police. she is harassing you. you have the right to feel safe and protected in your living environment. normally when you give a bully a taste of their own medicine, they will think twice about coming at you with their nonsense. i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  7. Wow. I admire your strength. I went through something similar with a female I lived with at University, and even though people told me she was just “jealous” she had a way of beating down my confidence. I got so wound up one day I shouted her down and embarrassed her infront of her friends. She wanted to “talk” when we were both at home that evening and I cussed her out even more. To cut a long story short, she texted me a few years later asking if we could speak because she felt she had lost a good friend (I think all her fake friends at Uni had become bored with her). I didn’t reply.

    I have a feeling people who like to bully are being bullied in some way themselves. Perhaps even tortured by their own self hatred…But trust me, what goes around, comes around. You stay strong and blessed.

  8. Hi Aulelia,

    Sorry to hear this happened to you in your own home. It seems the woman/roommate was projecting anger/frustration on you and trying to get a reaction out of you.

    Is this something that has happened before? Do you feel comfortable living under the same roof as her? Do you have other roommates who are neutral and can mediate the situation?

    Hope you’re okay.

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