Mother of the prince.


I’m the oldest of my siblings born to my mother and the only girl.  (My father has more kids than can be counted on 1 hand, but I digress.)  I think that under the circumstances, I’ve done allright for myself.  I’ve been on my own for quite some time – job/career, automobile, place to live, finished school, child-free, solo traveler, etc.  I would think that many parents would be happy that their son or daughter was able to live out in the world and be self-sufficient, no matter whether they’re aged 21 or 61.

Apparently not.  😐

My oldest younger brother could be doing worse, but he’s definitely not doing stellar.  He’s very intelligent but he doesn’t utilize it very much.  Once he hit high school, he seemed to be more concerned with popularity than passing classes.  He made it out of high school by the skin of his teeth but of course he looked good doing it, because goodness forbid he didn’t look good before he left the house.  😐  During high school, he was offered a chance to get into a well-known medical school program in which students were accepted upon high school graduation and finished everything in 7 years, becoming doctors in their 20s.  He did excellent on certain tests, but his class grades didn’t match the tests and were so bad that the school couldn’t accept him.  His grades were bad because it was more important to be cute and popular.

He graduated and went on to college out of state.  He only lasted 1 year.  He was cute and popular there too – to the point that he had zero credits.  Oh, I forgot to mention – toward the end of his high school career, he met a girl and had sex with her within hours of meeting her.  She got pregnant and decided to carry the pregnancy to term, my nephew.  Isn’t life grand.

He returned home and tried community college.  He only did 1 semester before deciding to quit.  Instead, he met a woman, married her 6 months later, and joined the military without telling anyone until a couple days before he left for training.  He cheated through their whole marriage, but they still had a son.  Toward the end of the marriage, he met another woman, lied about his marital status, and ran off with her while filing for divorce.  He got the other woman pregnant before the divorce was finalized and they had a son.  They got married and later, had another son.  But you get what you ask for because she didn’t leave after he admitted his true status, and he cheated on her too.  Now he has a new girlfriend.

Please note that this is a very short version of the story.  😐

You would think that any parent in their right mind would not condone this behavior because, after all, “I didn’t raise my child this way!”  But there are plenty of mothers who support this behavior….. whether knowingly or unknowingly, whether explicitly or implicitly, whether overt or covert.  Our mother in particular blames the women for his troubles because, after all, he tripped and fell in the p—y.  Or the women seduced him.  Right mothers?  Isn’t that why your sons have “baby muhva/mama drama”?  😐

This is more common than many want to believe.  Mothers place their sons on pedestals and enable all kinds of dysfunctional behavior.  Then the cycle continues and the ones who are most affected are the innocent children.

Have any of you had the same experiences?  If you’re a man, have you experienced mommy dearest doting on you, spoiling you?  How has it affected you?  How has it affected the relationships between you and your parent(s) and between you and your siblings?

“Boys are loved and girls are raised.”

Discuss…..

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4 thoughts on “Mother of the prince.

  1. This must be very distressing for you to witness. I’m sorry that you don’t have emotional support or good advice from your mother. It sounds like there is a pattern with the men in your family. The Rolling Stone pattern…you know the song “Papa Was a Rollin Stone,” by the Temptations. The song attempts to explore a family whose wayward father is in and out of the home. His children were accustomed to his neglect and absence yet mourned him when he died.

    “Papa was a rollin’ stone
    Wherever he laid his hat was his home
    And when his died
    All he left us was alone.”

    This happens all too often. Unfortunately I find that society is too permissive towards men and this behavior is quietly condoned. While women and children bear the burden of the consequences. To add insult to injury there are plenty of women with low self-esteem who side with men. They have bought into the ideology of men being superior and they shift the blame to women. Women are not responsible for men’s bad behavior, men are. If more men would correct their friends/brothers/sons/co-workers, if more men would stand up for what’s right you wouldn’t see so much wrong. In addition to the betrayal of infidelity relationships with this problem also come packaged with physical, emotional, and verbal abuse. Often, children who grow up around this grow up to perpetuate the cycle. This happens regardless of race, class, and socioeconomic status. It is a widespread societal problem, which has become more acute in the past year due to the worldwide economic crisis (according to leading researchers). THERE IS A SOLUTION–see the end of this post.

    You want me to write a book, don’t you? This is all too timely for me; it really hits close to home. I am getting a divorce from a man whose mother (a retired school teacher) spoiled him rotten (both his parents are to blame). During our relationship she lied for him, covered for him and did anything to make him seem better than he was. I was so in love that I did not see it at the time. God blessed me because I did not have children by the man (ahem, boy). I can divorce him free and clear and not be caught up in child custody battles (thank the Lord!) In any event I think his parents thought I was the “good girl” who would quietly put up with his crazy behavior. They secretly hoped I would reform their son.

    In retrospect I wish I had been more careful not to get emotionally involved with a man so quickly. Because when you are emotionally involved you create soul-ties to that person and it is difficult to leave a troubled relationship. I’m blessed: I’m young, single, educated, self-sufficient, and financially ok (did I mention I’m saved?). I’ve met a lot of women who have to deal with bankruptcy, being a single parent, and foreclosure, not to mention the emotional scars and trauma of divorce.

    There are some resources that I wish I had seen BEFORE I met him. If you ever desire to be in a committed relationship, you are already married, you are engaged, or would like to be married one day you should read/watch/buy/borrow the following (Google it/get it on Amazon):

    – “Making Great Relationships by Making Great Decisions” by T.D. Jakes (a DVD; my mother was talking to the television when this was on.)

    – “Reposition Yourself” by T.D. Jakes

    – “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris (don’t let the title fool you, this is a GREAT read)

    – “Boy Meets Girl” by Joshua Harris

    – “Before You Do: Making Great Decisions That You won’t Regret” by T.D. Jakes

    – “Become a Better You” by Joel Osteen

    And some others for further exploration…for fun

    “The Secret” and “Beyond the Secret”

    “God Grew Tired of Us” (incredible movie, inspiring)

    “Bella”

    “NightJohn” (based on the novel by Gary Paulsen)

    • Yes, sometimes it hurts my heart and in the past, I was extremely bitter about it. But what I’ve learned is that I had to make a way out of no way. I forced myself to make my own support system and help myself. Even though it hurts my heart sometimes, all I can do is hope that I’m able to lead by example and be as active in my nephews’ (and godson’s) lives as possible. Since they don’t live near me, I do the best I can with what I have.

      You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. And unfortunately, there are many people worldwide who don’t want to drink the water. My mother, and many others like her, are not willing to.

      “This happens all too often. Unfortunately I find that society is too permissive towards men and this behavior is quietly condoned. While women and children bear the burden of the consequences. To add insult to injury there are plenty of women with low self-esteem who side with men. They have bought into the ideology of men being superior and they shift the blame to women. Women are not responsible for men’s bad behavior, men are. If more men would correct their friends/brothers/sons/co-workers, if more men would stand up for what’s right you wouldn’t see so much wrong.”

      EXCELLENT. You said what I was trying to say, much better than I did. One of my biggest pet peeves is woman-hating, especially by other women. It annoys, disgusts and saddens me because all they’re doing is continuing the cycle of blame and lack of self-responsibility by doing this. It also, as you mentioned, “come(s) packaged with physical, emotional, and verbal abuse. Often, children who grow up around this grow up to perpetuate the cycle. This happens regardless of race, class, and socioeconomic status. It is a widespread societal problem, which has become more acute in the past year due to the worldwide economic crisis (according to leading researchers).” And when women are complicit in defending men who behave this way, the cycle can continue for generations. Old habits die hard.

      I wish you the best with your divorce and your path to healing. Thanks for sharing such a personal story; it was tough for me to share mine, but it needed to be done. 🙂

      • Thank you both for sharing your beautiful perspectives.

        ph, I hope your mother can see that she shouldn’t be putting your brother on a pedestal like that, but like Cynthia asserts, it is because of the brainwashing of the female gender as to why men still get an easy ride with situations like this.

        When will it end when men FINALLY take responsibility for their own actions?

        It is not Cynthia or your job or any woman’s job to reform a man.

        I was watching the Tudors tonight as the 3rd series started on BBC today and again, the whole concept of a woman being responsible for giving Henry a son is so frustrating to watch because it is like men want to absolve themselves from any responsibility.

        • Unfortunately, my mother can’t see it. We’re at odds because of it. But again, I’ve made my own support system and make sure that I can be a good example in my nephews’ lives.

          The lack of self-responsibility and the “victim/martyr” role amongst men disgusts me. The fact that many (not all because I’m not one of them) women perpetuate this behavior disgusts me even more. 😐

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