I am not abandoning Charcoal! I just have a new blog that I am contributing too. It is about the D word: debt. Even writing it is painful.

But many of us are in D. So basically what I am doing is writing a blog about my efforts to get out of D.

It is called Debt Dilemma.

Some terrible choices got me in trouble last year and now I am reversing them. I am working hard at my job and I am on the hunt to find a new job.

I will find a cleaning job to work at or something to bring money in.

I paid off £18 into my credit card as I did some terrible spending yesterday which I felt so guilty about and I wrote about it here.

If anyone wants to talk about getting out of debt, please don’t hesitate to email me or write on my new blog. You can be anonymous.

Fight the system!

[image @ wikipedia]

I do really like my part-time job. I am learning invaluable skills about administration, which will [hopefully] make me employable in the future.

The problem is I need to find a second job as I am a part-time employee and as you can imagine I need a second wage to make ends meet.

If anyone looked at my CV which I had posted on the blog earlier, I do have experience in working in call centres & administration.

The problem is the call centre jobs and admin temporary positions have dried up in Bristol.

I did get a call-back for one job — A cleaning job.

I have absolutely nothing against cleaning (hence why I applied) but part of me is disappointed that I could not secure a temporary job.

Do I take the cleaning job which is also part-time but working weekends from 9am or do I try and find some evening work?

I received my first provisional driving licence last week.

So this means I can now start to do driving lessons which I am excited about as anyone in UK knows you cannot drive without the DVLA saying so!

I do have a part-time and I can *technically* afford it. But then, I learnt what summer rent I would be paying today and I was like f-u-c-k. It is so expensive like London town expensive. It is twice than what we were all told it would be as well.

Anyway, I have been trying to be very good at paying off money that I owe to the bank and I am documenting it here. However, now I feel confused: I like being financially independent and paying things for myself, instead of always asking my mum for money but I do really want to do these driving lessons.

I am so confused; I think I already know the answer that I should be sensible and pay the rent first and then worry about driving but I am literally seduced by driving.

Looks like I just have to suck it up and get over it! Argh!

YouTube is not good for people like me who like to be kept sane. More specifically, the comments section below the videos.

As expected, more reaction to Jay-Z’s Glastonbury performance is coming in, which I blogged about as well previously.

One comment on YouTube just infuriated me:

Dude she’s like a total groupie. How cute. She’s really his biggest fan.

Why does Beyonce have to be reduced to be a groupie because she was supporting her husband? In fact, why does any woman have to be called a “groupie”? And lol, I know I am part of the Beyonce & Jay-Z locomotive but jokes aside, I think calling a woman a “groupie” when she is being supportive is just bloody disgusting.

That man is her husband. Why shouldn’t she support him just like the way a husband should support his wife? Why can’t she do what she wants and jump up and down as she pleases?

The connotations of a “groupie” completely imply a woman who hangs around musicians simply to bounce all over them in a graphic way. Quite frankly, this type of language is unacceptable to me because all it does is impose the patriarchal belief that a woman is always second to a man because she has to look up to him.

Are you having a laugh? Beyonce and countless other successful in this world do not need to be seen as groupies because they have made their own way in life, without shining the phallus of some man.

I think language like that is biologically sexist and we must endeavour to not label women who have created their own empires like B etc not to call them groupies because they aren’t.

Shine on women!

Donations to charity are one of those ambiguous things in life that seem to make people feel better yet can also be misconstrued as hand outs.

As a magazine addict, my place is overflowing with them. I am not trying to get rid of them as I care about them but I thought they may be better off in a homeless hostel where people could read them at their will.

I hoped that they would be accepted as they involve reading, which is something we are not doing much of.

I called several places, that shall remain nameless.

No one was particularly interested to be honest.

This caught me completely off-guard.

I did think people would be interested, not because I am offering my support but because I thought anything that keeps people reading would be encouraged.

Of course, I was naive.

Anyway, it cannot sit here and say it did not sting me that they did not seem interested. I suppose cash is king will always override any other donations to charities. And I am a student so there is no chance of that.

[image seen @ wikipedia] — NB: This post has spoilers! you have been warned!

The Edge of Love is a British film[funded by UK lottery money and the UK film council]. It centres around the escapades and relationships of a quartet of people who may not necessarily be as cheerful as they look: Dylan Thomas [Matthew Rhys], William Killick [Cillian Murphy], Thomas’ wife Caitlin [Miller] and Thomas’ ex lover & William’s girlfriend Vera [Knightley].

Overview: I came out of the cinema about an hour and half ago. This post hopes to display some thoughts on the position of femininity in the film. It is obvious from how this film has been marketed that it is not meant to be a biopic of Welsh poet Dylan Thomas. In short, the film is very uneven and it is a film that is jarring because just when it is on a good streak, it then becomes schmaltzy and starts leaning on a very American sense of cliched filming in regards to things like the love scenes. The plot and narrative of the film let it down however the performances are very good.

Background & Trivia about the Actors:

• Rhys, who many TV watched may recognise from TV series Brothers and Sisters is the only Welsh actor of the 4 main actors. His performance was solid.
• Miller, as we all know is a tabloid favourite and is currently on the cover of UK ELLE presumably promoting the film.
• Knightley needs no introduction: she is indeed controversial in a bizarre way since she actually is never in the papers for anything bad like people like Pete Doherty but her acting ability is always called into question.
• Murphy was famous for 28 Days, which coincidentally was the film that launched black British star Noemie Harris’ career and as we know she starred in Pirates of the Caribbean 2 which Knightley was in! Looks like people are all connected.
• Rhys & Miller have also dated in the past.

The Face as the Feminine: It is clear to me that John Maybury, the film’s director, knew how to exploit the beauty of Miller & Knightley. The close-up shots of both actresses linger and literally are stuck on the seamless pores of both women. This can be slightly jarring at times as the audience watcher literally is staring involuntarily on the faces of both actresses which begs the question — is this advancing the plot or just an attempt to use these beautiful faces to over-feminise the film and take attention away from Thomas? Knightley has several shots of her supposedly singing. The retro look works great during these shots but again, it serves to illuminate that the face is central to defining both women because they are attached to Thomas because of their beauty, not in spite of it. So, does the fixation on a face make us more shallow? In the case of the film, it serves to polish its already gorgeous cinematography but creates a problem for the question of femininity because by using a face, it supposedly means that to be feminine, one must have the appeal of Miller and Knightley.

The Cigarette as the Extension of the Feminine: Anti-smokers like me would not like how gratuitously smoking is shown in this film. However, judging the time period where many people smoked, this is not surprising. Miller and Knightley light up, but their smoking is also used to evoke that supposed retro “glamour” of women who smoke as being “seductive” and “sensual” women. Obviously, this works like a red herring because smoking is not glamorous. But I do think in this film, it acts as a tool to highlight the hedonistic nature of the quartet and thus the “free” aspect of womanhood that is not constrained by rules.

Sex[uality]: There is one scene where Miller & Knightley (M&K) are in the bathroom and discussing “fucking”. This scene is one of the better scenes in the film with how it lightly touches on sexual expression for women, in a time where a woman could not just go and bonk whoever she wanted without the fear of disdain. As Miller puts it, “itch has to be scratched”. This made me chuckle as it was evident both women had different ideas about sex. Miller’s mechanical viewpoint of sex could be argued as a play on the concept that women are more emotional about sex than men. Yet, it is a strangely universal concept that even I can relate to as a woman because let’s face it, when sex is good, it is very good. However, I hope right-wing assailants do not fall into the trap of labelling M&K’s characters as heathens just because they have had pre/extra-marital sex. Sexuality of the female thus seems to be burned onto the words of M&K’s characters and what they say, not necessarily through the sex scenes themselves. It seems easy to label M&K’s personas as women who like sex and women who are nubile but I think sexuality in this film acts as a sheen that brings up the topic of female sexual freedom and reminds us that even now, we still do not have all the answers.

The [Pregnant] Female: M&K noted that they became broody during filming. The presence of children in the film is not as clear-cut as it may seem. They are not just props but the 2 children of M&K act as reminders of their “duty” as mothers, which is bizarre in some respects because both women spend so much time mucking around with each other, whilst leaving their children to ramble on their j’s! Abortion, pregnancy are two themes mixed in, but unlike Vera Drake, the physicality is not emphasised but again through exchanges with each other via the medium of language, M&K’s characters know that as women, they are destined to never have full control over their bodies. There is one poignant part when Vera (Knightley) tells Caitlin(Miller) “look what he has done to me”, in reference to being pregnant. How prescient and universal that is for many women who do in fact become pregnant when that is not their mistake.

Conclusion: All in all, this film really is a goldmine for discussing the position of the female and womanhood albeit from a narrow minded viewpoint. As a black cinema goer, going to the cinema is always a bizarre experience because I always feel like such a voyeur lol but I enjoyed dissecting this film, despite the fact that is it deeply flawed. However, the performance of the film was Sienna Miller. This will definitely help her career — for once, she was the centre-piece not for who she is sleeping with, but because she is actually a good actress.

Links & Extras

–Trailer

I would love to hear any thoughts on this post and views are deeply welcomed.

[this is a mammoth post!]

The Glastonbury festival was shown on BBC last night on television. This is the first time I have ever watched it. I was never interested in it before but after founder Michael Eavis decided to give Jay-Z a headliner status, I was definitely eager to watch it on the telly. For those who are interested in geography, Glastonbury is in Somerset but the festival is done in a village called Pilton, which is in the South-West like Bristol.

Jay-Z stole the show! Even after his set, Zane Lowe, BBC Radio DJ was literally like “case closed”, obviously a reference to Noel “Whino” Gallagher. He was supposed to come on around 22.30 but he came on I think it was around 23.00.

In an obvious poke at Gallagher & Oasis, he did a rendition of Wonderwall. The photo below shows Carter @ one point during Wonderwall ode.

I thought the Wonderwall rendition was just hilarious. Instead of coming out and slagging off Gallagher, what a fabulous way to make him shut his mouth!

I don’t remember exactly what order Mr Carter sang the songs but these were the memorable ones in my eyes:

• Public Service Announcement [This is a brilliant track/such a crowd-rouser]
• Hard Knock Life
• Can I Get A….[I love this song! This was one of the first ever singles I bought at school!!]
• H to the HIZZO
• Encore
• Get that Dirt off your shoulder [At one point in this song, he rapped "I got the hottest girl in the UK wearing my chain" -- Note that Beyonce was there supporting him jumping up and down in the corner!]
• 99 Problems
• Girls, Girls, Girls
• Big Pimpin

One aspect of his set I loved was how he mixed in with the vibe of being in the UK. He seemed to do several freestyles where he used a lot of UK terminology, which always goes down well here anyway. I thought it was joke at one point when he said “telly”. He also did something which I thought was wicked. On the screen behind him, there was a picture of George Bush. He did another rap and at the end went “Fuck Bush. It was heavy! And then he praised Barack and transposed a photograph of him after Bush. It was wicked.

One thing I noticed whilst watching the whole concert was how he really seemed like he was literally just rapping to any other group of people. Of course, the music was tailored to the festival goers because I do think it sounded more eclectic with how he had a band but he really is full of assured swagger and that helped him because he looked confident that he could pull it off and he did.

He commanded that set from my eyes. No ifs or buts. It was highly anticipated and I do not think it disappointed [but I love hip hop so it could be different].

Jay-Z at Glastonbury, the largest music festival in the world, is a great look for hip-hop. He is an international superstar and a mogul. He is not just any random rapper. He is in a pantheon of elites who have created an empire. Why shouldn’t he be at Glastonbury, which is the largest festival in the world for music?

So for all the people who did not want him there [read:Noel Gallagher & co], why did so many people turn up to watch him do his set? It was overflowing with people. Stop yamming sour beans people and just be happy that Glastonbury is widening participation!

P.S- The BBC kept showing images of Beyonce bouncing her head and jumping up and down like I said. She looked like she really let herself go in a good way and was enjoying his whole set. They are so cute!

Links & Extras

-MSN UK - Jay-Z steals the show

-The Guardian - “Awesome” Jay-Z beats Noel’s rap at Glastonbury

-This is a video of Jay-Z on Friday Night with Jonathan Ross that I blogged about before. Have a look. He will surprise with how jovial he actually is.

Part I

Part II

Did anyone watch BBC yesterday night? Friday Night with Jonathan Ross had two very famous guests:

• Jay-Z
• Will Smith

Jay-Z/Beyonce’s Husband (BH) - I heard he was going to be on Jonathan Ross so I was intrigued to see how he would come across. I am so surprised to say that BH surpassed my expectations! Seriously, he actually came across as sarcastically funny. He can do the UK style wit and dry banter very well, which I was taken aback by but in a good way. Ross tried to squeeze in a question about Beyonce but Jay-Z is a clever man - he made sure he dodged the question! I laughed out loud at how he called her at one point “Miss Beyonce Knowles” — I swear, Jay-Z and Beyonce are having a right old laugh keeping everyone guessing when we all know that they are married! Just put on your rings!

Jay-Z was also wearing this BONKERS glasses on - I am a contact lense wearer but I would so wear the glasses he was wearing.

Beyonce’s Husband is here to perform at Glastonbury which has seen loads of controversy. I can already hear the stench of racism and elitism from some purists who don’t want to see the festival evolve. Jay-Z can eat Oasis and all those other bands whole. Sorry!

Will Smith is fantastic in interviews. This is no surprise. He literally is just such a jokes and entertaining person and you can tell that he is a genuine person. I cannot say how much I love this man - not in a “you are gorgeous way” [even though he is] but I am in awe of him. He has achieved so much. Jonathan Ross asked him about Hancock, which I am assuming Smith is in the UK to do promotion for and also for Nelson Mandela’s 90th birthday concert which was in London yesterday. In the interview, he was really just such a laugh. Go Will!

[image @ Getty Images/taken at Nelson Mandela concert 27th June '08]

[image @ Getty Images]

YouTube have already taken the performance down but Concrete Loop linked it to this blog here so watch this performance — it is brilliant, only when Ciara comes into the picture. Does anyone think that bit when she is squatting above him is jokes?? Rihanna’s face is a picture and a half. Also I know I slag off Keyshia Cole’s hair but it was cute when she stood up and sang along to Take You Down, which is a nice track. Why isn’t Brown releasing it?

Team Ciara! She looks just amazing. Her career deserves to be bigger than it is.

I have not watched the performance yet but wow, Keyshia is looking sl-ender! Black hair looks much better than blonde on her, imo. I would like to rent her thighs lol so she can have my porky ones.

*wails “I Decided”* Oh Solange, I am on your side but what is with the weave? It may have been windy. I hope things go well for her. Because she can actually sing.

What do you all think of the images from the awards?

I am at the moment trying to find a 2nd job to generate some more income. Nothing too big or whatever but a temp job ideally in admin or call centre work. I will do any type of work now and I do not mind being a cleaner as well as keeping my current admin job as long as I can generate some dosh.

So I have uploaded my CV here for anyone who wants to cast their eyes over it to give a critique. I have uploaded it as a JPG so you can click on it to enlarge it. Constructive criticism is welcomed.