My friend and I were in town today in Bristol after we went to Mass at the University Catholic Chaplaincy. It felt good going to mass. Anyroad, we then decided to go random pub/bar for coffe/hot chocolate. On our way there, we walked past the Waterfront. The Waterfront in Bristol is this street filled with bars and clubs by this river. We were literally minding out own business, catching jokes etc when this group of men start heckling at us.
One of the men said (and I paraphrase as he sounded drunk), “if you are mother and daughter, I’d shag you both”
We just ignored it of course.
What possesses some men to literally heckle and gawk at women they don’t fucking know as if they are in the bloody zoo ? How dare you talk in such an inappropriate manner ?
It does not make any sense to me or my friend. I was thinking if one of them had attempted to touch us, then it would have gotten very bad because I don’t give a fuck who you are, if you touch me or my friend and you are NOT my boyfriend, I will take matters into my own hands and that includes involving any authorities who deal with men who harrass women.
What happened today is one of the worst examples of verbal harrassment directed to me from men. I know a lot worse can happen especially since many women are sexually assaulted but I am not comparing sexual assault to verbal harrassment.
All women have the inherent right to walk around in a town/city without being heckled and having to endure hearing lewd sexual innuendos. That boys will be boys rubbish does not wash with me, quite frankly.
Why does sexual harassment seem to take place in the workplace? I suppose this is the question whose answer would help many people. My take on it is the workplace is essentially a forum where power hierarchies are created, regardless of what job you do. Every job has a foodchain and within that foodchain, there will always be people who bully and harrass others to keep them down. What are your thoughts ?
Please read the link to the following story about sexual harassment in a law firm in Florida. It is shocking and deeply disturbing. Here are a few excerpts of what was experienced by some of the women:
I called (a male associate at the firm) … to see if he could help me find a roommate. He offered me a room in his 3-bedroom, 2-bathroom house … Doug Wright became merciless in teasing me about it. He would ask or say things like: “Did you know (he) has a camera in your shower? Did you know (he) lays in your bed? Did you know (he) puts your panties on his head? … What does (he) look like in boxers? …
Doug Wright probably asked me to feel his “guns” about 4 or 5 times. Recently … Doug Wright ordered me to fix his tie in front of (another male lawyer). … … By July of 2002, I became desperate to move (my office) …
I am beyond appalled at how these women have been harassed by this evil, hurtful man. Unfortunately, this story is not isolated. What are all your thoughts ? The fact that one of the accusers wanted to move into a different office to get away from this horrible man is proof that he was a malicious sexual harasser.
The head of the law firm then noted:
Therefore, I accept and will implement each of the (committee’s) recommended sanctions as set forth in the Report, except the two that would bar (Wright) from participation in summer associate and associate hiring …
WHAT THE HELL ? The man who harassed those women still gets to be involved in hiring associates, some of whom would be women. Would he harass them in the bloody interviews ? What a scandal. The women thus replied:
The message that you have sent us by your memorandum is that cruel behavior is tolerated, so long as the perpetrator is in a position of power. Despite the “hell” that we have all been through, we have received no apology, no words of sympathy, only repeated orders of “keep quiet,” “don’t talk about this with anyone” and “this process is confidential.” … The system protects Doug, not us.
The man thus responded as saying that he was not friends with Doug Wright and was not biased against him. This man should have gotten the fucking sack, not be left alone. This is ridiculous.
-Waitress awarded £124,000 in compensation after chef sexually harrasses her - The Indy
that particular quote was offensive, I don’t know exactly in which context it occured, did he try to “wrap it” in a joke ? I am just asking.
sexual harrassment and racist behaviour are quite difficult to prove. a comment can be dismissed as a joke at which point you paid the expenses twice :
-for “not noticing ” it was allegedly a joke aaaand!
-for knowing you are the real target but you are helpless and you HAVE to get over it and the worst of all ( its no biggie).
a lot of innuendos you can peep them through a little slip ( calculated or not) or just vibes .I guarantee you that as a black man, even if i get harrassed by some white chick it will be my manhood that will be questionned first. Its “common” knowledge that we catcall white women so people will not even want to hear my side of the story, they will look at me cross-eyed. I worked in 3 places in my teens where 30 something wowen will “see if those trousers fit on me” or “fix my belt” and this happened more then once every time it was just a few seconds before the shift starts.By the end of the summer I had turned a blind eye far too many times and the comments about the size of my dick were just a part of the routine talk. You think I can talk about this without people thinking ” why didn’t you just get that p***y ?” or ” you are so full of yourself” , we have to keep that for ourselves.
Aulelia, I think the problem is that catcalling is such an accepted part of male behavior that they don’t even see anything wrong with it. They think women don’t mind. I remember once in college some friends and I started catcalling every guy that walked past just to see what would happen. They were SO uncomfortable. It was funny to me because they aren’t used to being on the receiving in terms of that behavior.
However, as lechatnoir said, it is much harder for a man who is being sexually harassed. I remembered at an old job where an older woman grabbed the butt of one of my male co-workers who was in his 20’s. He didn’t like it, but didn’t make a big fuss. It almost became a joke. But I remember thinking that if the roles had been reversed, it would have been a huge problem. It’s really not fair for men to be harassed either. I guess there is the assumption that men don’t mind sexual attention, or that they should be able to take care of themselves.
At times when these men make such rude remarks it would be such a good thing as soon as they spoke they get slapped hard by an invisible hand or something.
Aulelia, have you ever heard of a Women’s Studies term called “The Georgaphy Of Fear?” I remember in my Women’s Studies classes my professor talked about the dangers women have in the public sphere during certain times of the day. The way that guy talked to you and your friend was totally unacceptable and very sexist. I often wonder sometimes how women handle men making cat calling remarks and all that stuff? It seems very scary?