Is intelligence intimidating?
In my effort to curb down on buying too many magazines, I have decided to only buy ESSENCE and i-D magazine. So today, I went to WHSmith in the Concorde area of Paris and bought ESSENCE. It was the May issue I believe and I was pleasantly surprised and slightly annoyed at times when I read it.
I came across this interesting page where a woman asks why are black men intimidated by black women who are educated. I thought this was such a puzzling yet important question to ask and that can lead to many questions.
-Are black men intimidated by educated black women?
-Do black women need to dumb down their intelligence to ‘get’ a black man?
I believe that if a black man is worth having, he will accept and love your mind. I have so many and almost too many opinions but I am lucky to have someone in my life who encourages me to just ramble on and on. Then again, I don’t think I could be with someone who didn’t encourage me to read and learn more about the world. Essentially, I think this issue can only apply if you are swimming in the wrong pool of black men. Be with someone who encourages that and if he doesn’t, he is not worth having.
I can’t imagine being intimidated by clever or intelligent people: I just love hearing other people’s opinions and gaining knowledge. Yet, of course there are many people who are intimidated. That is why we have to ask ourselves, is it truly their fault or are we to blame?
–A
April 28, 2007 at 8:49 pm
Essence amuses me, that is until I stop looking at the pictures and start reading the articles. There definitely seems to be a slant towards telling us we have to have a black man at all costs, even if those costs are sharing your man, dumbing down, lowering your standards … and waiting indefinitely.
But being an American publication, I think it takes as a given and uses as a backdrop the “overabundance” of educated black women who want black men and the “underabundance” of black men who want black women in the US.
Why not push black women to find happiness with men who are intelligent, makes us laugh, and care for us, regardless of their race?
April 29, 2007 at 5:19 am
HI Aulelia,
I find a lot of men are intimidated by my intelligence. Not saying there isn’t a unique dynamic to black hetero interactions (because of course there is), but that this is a phenomenon I have also experienced. Not all men are intimidated by my intelligence, however. In my experience, when a guy thinks he’s really smart and prides himself on being smarter than others, that’s when my intelligence becomes a problem. I once had a guy I was dating very proudly tell me his IQ score, and basically pouted when I told him (because he asked me) that mine was 12 full points higher than his - and even more so when I told him my friend’s was 11 points higher than mine!!! He also liked to make a lot of the fact that he had a decent paying job - not high paying by any means - and hadn’t gone to university or college. When I told him I was going back to uni, he basically made fun of me for it, I think out of his own jealousy or insecurity. He didn’t last beyond that.
The other guy I was dating at the time was not too smart in the traditional, book sense, but was spiritually very smart. He didn’t care at all that I was smarter than him in some ways.
sorry, I know your question was specifically for black women and men, but what you were saying rang true for me!
hope your b-day was fab!
April 29, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Brunsli — Thank you for your perspective
I read the column again and I can’t believe I overlooked this DISGUSTING comment that the man who answered her question said and I quote:
‘Maybe you’re acting like it’s a big deal to be in graduate school’ and then he said ‘I bet when men ask you what movie you’d like to see, you push for five hours of Apocalypto with subtitles when you could’ve just as easily opted for Stomp The Yard’
HONEST That paragraph is in the magazine. It is utterly DISGUSTING and now I am questioning this magazine. I am so damn tired of people being made to feel bad for their choices. So what if she wants to watch Apocalypto?
Brunsli, also in that ESSENCE issue, there was a picture of Reverend Run and his family. There was another picture of him holding what I think is a bible and them all staring at him. Just proves that some mags are indirectly promoting the longevity of the patriarchy!
Thinking Girl — Thanks for your comment
Feel free to comment whenever you like - I’d love to hear from women of all backgrounds because this is an issue that affects all of us. Your experiences with the first guy just prove that some men just are immobilised by their insecurity of seeming clever or just as clever as women. Why are we made to feel like we have to be stupid or make men feel big? It is so great that the 2nd guy was not intimidated by your intelligence - obviously a strong man and I think strength lies in acceptance of others.
Cheers for the birthday wish — it was lots of fun
–A
April 29, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Sometimes the Black publications in the U.S. tend to want to find the differences in us and then exploit them. Essence is no longer a Black owned publication, the same as with BET so we begin to find these divisive articles, even though they be written by Black people. Are there really that many unintelligent Black males in the U.S.? There seems to be a lack of intelligence and logical thought in both genders. Are we really seeing a divide between the sexes? Or are we being told there is a split and we act on these notions? I really don’t know. Sometimes I think most people are more comfortable in their “not knowing” about whats happening in the world today and tend to be happy in their ignorance. I know I meet just as many females that do not want to discuss issues, that rarely watch the news, don’t read books or don’t care to hear conscious/kulcha lyrics in songs. Those that find some security in knowing their IQ score and get offended if yours is higher than his, has an issue with his ego. As the saying goes “if you are the smartest person in your group you need to find a new group”. I will not discount the institutionalized patriarchy that is reinforced in males world wide via the so called religions of Islam, Christianity and Judiaism and their various offshoots. In the end patriarchy is more the demon here than intellignece
April 29, 2007 at 11:51 pm
As a Black man speaking for myself, I have to say that I prefer to surround myself with intelligent people & if they happen to be more intelligent than myself then s be it. This just means that I have someone else that I can learn from.
As a matter of fact ,y wife has a graduate degree & was in school earning it as we dates & I admired her for her perseverance. To date I am still working on my undergraduate degree & my wife on encourages me to finish as she is my strongest support system.
Sometimes Black men let pride get in the way & that is their problem. A BW should not have to sacrifice who she is t get a little action on the dating scene.
I hate to do this but Tyler Perry’s Daddies Little Girls was a good example on how a Black relationship can be had even with vastly different backgrounds (I really did not like the movie but thought this theme was a good one).
Bygbaby
April 30, 2007 at 6:44 pm
ensayn - i find your comment particularly illuminating. in the US, do some black men and women like these divisions because it gives them a reason to complain?
bygbaby - exactly. she should not have to sacrifice and luckily, many black men think like you and ensayn.
April 30, 2007 at 8:08 pm
Actually, I am not sure if the populace actually thinks about it deeply. I mean really put their mind to it. I often think many of us repeat what we read, see on television or hear on the radio as fact, never putting their on daily experiences into play to see if what is being reported is actually as constant as it is reported.
May 1, 2007 at 3:24 pm
“Sometimes I think most people are more comfortable in their “not knowing” about whats happening in the world today and tend to be happy in their ignorance. ”
ensayn , i agree everybody is caught up in there own little drama .. It’s scary
There was a blogspot called bittervibes, that closed , which used to comment on the black magazines. I miss it !!!!
In regards to Essence I do not read it , there is nothing in it , but white supremist views of black people , sugar coated and spun to attract blacks and brainwash them.
May 1, 2007 at 3:42 pm
byrd parker, bittervibes was brilliant!! i used to read it so much. i wish the author would come back or write a book.
byrd, in relation to ESSENCE, do you think that Time Inc control the editorial content?
ensayn, the power of the media is they pretty much can control what some population think, i agree with you there…scary thought
May 5, 2007 at 2:03 am
I just learned that Essence was no longer Black owned. I think Ill keep that in mind next time I read it.
In my own personal life, I do find that I have difficulty finding available, single Black men who want to deal with all aspects of Lola, lol. Are they intimidated? Are they lazy? Do they just want to “have fun”? I have no idea, as I cant get those men to have a legnthy discussion with me, lol.
But, I do wish I knew, cause Im tired of being single.
L