Hair is one thing that unites and divides black women. I can’t speak for the majority, only myself and all I know is I am so torn as to how to have my hair. I love the Afro hair in its’ natural state, curls and coils galore but at the same time, I remember times when I was younger, I wished this mass of hair would just lie back and calm down. Am I conditioned?
Have we as black women let the situation come to this that we love yet hate our hair? I think so. ”Good hair” does not exist. The next time you hear a black person say that, please correct them. It is only through education that we will evolve or we will still have this feeling of pseudo-inadequacy and let’s face it, it has to end!
At my father’s funeral, it is tradition that family members have all of their hair cut because it is just what is done in my tribe. I remember having all of my hair taken off but it didn’t lessen the pain of his death. Interestingly, when all of it was gone, I saw how much hair controls a part of a woman’s identity because I felt naked without it. Looking back on it, it was good for me because I honoured his memory and I learnt that hair is a superficial part of who we are and it doesn’t determine who we will become.
I don’t know why I have become contemplative with hair all of a sudden - maybe it has a lot to do with the strange stares I have received since walking around town with my Afro. I don’t feel self-conscious but people’s looks makes you realise that conformity is what is going to end today’s global society.
I have had all of black hair’s incarnations - weave, relaxer, extensions and I am starting to see that maybe we as black women will never be satisfied with how our hair looks because history dictated to us that we didn’t deserve satisfaction because of the ‘wool’ on our heads wasn’t the ideal.
Hair is all about expression and I am certainly not saying all black women should be naturals because I respect everyone’s hair choices. What I am against is ignorance about black hair. I am not even sure where I will go on this hair journey because I like to always do different things with my hair but after a long time of hating how my hair was, I have finally found peace with it. And it’s nice.
~A
January 8, 2007 at 4:54 pm
Here! Here, A! Honestly, I’ve always hated my hair because white and black folks put sooooo much emphasis on it. I never knew which was worse: have very tight coils that just didn’t work in white society; or having the kind of black hair that constantly breaks at the slightest bit of stress and so I always had to bear my parents woes that I had no crown beauty.
Hence, why I went and joined all my dredlocked brothas and sistas! God, what a relief!
But as for the idea about ignorance…I’m not so sure that that’s what is going on. Most black folk know about the b.s on favoring women with “good hair” and yet…more and more women are opting for weave down to their ass. Gone are the 70s where even Crazy-Ass-The-Original-Diva-with-the-Weave Diana Ross had to sport a ‘fro in “The Wiz” to be with the in crowd.
If you can’t have it naturally, buy some Korean hair. Noone cares that’s not really yours!
And sadly, I don’t see many brothas holding out for a black woman with short, natural styles.
I just hope I don’t live to see the day that black men start preferring white, flat pancake asses!
January 8, 2007 at 7:39 pm
I think our hair is always going to be an issue for our community. Somehow its never quite what society thinks it should be, or what we want or what our families want. I mean it shouldnt really carry this much weight, but just judging by the millions of dollars black women spend on salons every year, its obviously a big damn deal.
Its even harder when you work in corporate america and people judge your ability on how you look. Black women are already at a disadvantage in the workplace but add to that a hairstyle that isnt immediatly understood or accepted by the mainstream and you add a whole host of new issues to the fray.
I love my hair, but there are times when its obvious that people are giving me the side eye because of it, or are welcoming because of its style. I find that there just isnt any real way to get around that. My only need is to love my own hair and what I choose to do to it, not what others think it should look like.
January 9, 2007 at 9:50 am
Thanks for your comments girls - you have both raised some really interesting thoughts.
Peggy - I have always wondered why some black men run away from girls with natural styles. Do they find it like it is some sort of militanism ? (lol, i dont think that is the word but you know what I mean). It is a shame really because it just makes you wonder what kind of images black girls today are being fed on how to be. Also I think one reason why we put too much emphasis on it is because we get judged on it mainly…”oh she has nice hair”…’’she needs to get her hair done quick!” or ”her hair is picky”. it’s awful. and the worst thing is we judge ourselves
Avin - why do you think corporate america has such a big problem with natural styles? i think fear of the unknown has a lot to do with it. they associate things with us just because they cannot understand it. disgusting. It gets hard sometimes with the stares you get from black people themselves bc it is as if they are looking down on you…
~A
January 9, 2007 at 6:59 pm
I think its because Corporate America is rife with hate and fear and judgement. It doesnt even have to be about another race or culture, it simply shuns anything that is too different or creative. In the case of black americans, looking similar to the rest of the drones helps ease their fears and judgements. It says that you arent a shit starter or a trouble maker or some sort of militant. All of these things from a hairstyle, its just insane to me.
I recall getting braids once before a lengthy trip out of the country, and I was bombarded by questions, comments and requests to touch (which I under no uncertian terms never let anyone touch my hair) and fondle my hair. The most frequent question was WHY? They seemed so confused by my choice of hairstyle like it was a change in personality or worker productivity. I typically wear my hair straight but that one hairstyle was enough for them to attempt to judge me as a person. Crazy right?
January 16, 2007 at 4:31 pm
When I decided to go natural about 5 or 6 years ago I simply went to a barber and told him to shave my head. I was right before I was to go on a trip to London and had yet to ge my Passport photo. I had to wear a headband so that people who know I was female but I didnt care. Shaving my head was my protest of sorts. After years of turning backflips tryin to be apart of something that had never wanted me, I decided to embrace myself, my lovely nappy hair and my gap-tooth grin. My job (retail management) was great about it although they asked countless questions and never try to touch it. It’s strangers who take the most liberties especially when I have my hair in Afro Puffs.
I used to work very briefly for an Investment Firm and they did not care for folks who didnt look corporate to put it mildly. I dont know if it is about making sure we are uncomfortable in our own skin or ensuring that they are comfortable in theirs regardless.
February 26, 2007 at 5:34 pm
Tell me any other race of people on the planet with a hair texture like a lambs whool other than black people. Aren’t we unique! But no, we hate ourselves and want to look like all of the other races of people. I had a perm for five years before I finally woke up and realized that it had damaged my hair and broke it all off. I am so glad that I woke up and decided to go back natural. I have been natural for a year, and my hair is so healthy, and it has grown tremendously. I love the beauty and uniqueness of my hair. I feel so much better about myself. It’s sad that the caucasians compliment me more on my hair than my own race. It is so bad that my race looks at me in a crazy way. I wish that they would wake up and see that their desire to be white is the reason why their hair is broken off and won’t fit into a ponytail.